Long time no update

sorry about that imaginary people who read my blog.

I've told my mother, brother, sister, friends, and extended family that I'm trannylishous. My brother still hasn't talked to me yet.... but then he's not a talker or call you type person. But I don't want to call him because it will be akward and I'm afraid he's going attack me or something. My sister is semi alright with it and mom's cool. My dad is moving back to Tennessee [with my sister hahaha] so I'll have to tell him... ugh. I don't want to.

I've gone completely off my diet. Today I ate cheetos and icecream today even though I have good quinoa salad in my fridge. I don't know what my problem is. Also I haven't excersised in a month or so. Saturady I decided to talk my dog for a walk/pathetic run to the park... and I lifted some sissy weights? And tried to do a push up?

I'm having trouble focusing on school work because al I can think about is hormones and top surgery[ Ive been estmating the cost and imagining it constantly], so I've decided to incorporate that into my projects.

Also I've not been binding becuase it hurts my back and ribs and doesn't even do that much.

July 10th 2008

breakfast:
shake

Snack:
Museli

Lunch:
footlong veggie pattie on wholewheat bread at subway [not vegan...grr]

Snack: whole grain crakerz

Dinner french lentil soup and rice mix and soy milk

water: not enough

Exercise:
1 hour 20 minutes of walking/circut/biking

Notes: This morning when I has working out and wanted to give up I just had this feeling of yes I can do it. and kept on. Let's hope this keeps up. Also.... I started taking diet pills...yeah I know, weak. But I didn't feel the need to hog on something-whethr that's the placebo effect or not I don't know. It's like I got really hungry but only when it was time for a meal. I think tommorrow I'm going to ride my bike around. And go out somewhere as a guy. MAN, I want to tell my mom I'm trans. I think I should do it before I move. I think I'll tell her in person and also in a letter. Also I'll wait until I tell my friends first though.

July 9th 2008

Breakfast:
instant oatmeal and an apple

Lunch:
stir fried tofu and mushroom and homade mashed potatoes

Snack: oh....tooo embarrassing to even write!

Dinner: french lentil soup.

Exercise: 40 minutes of a hilly walk to work.

Tuesday July 8th

Breakfast:
Shake

Snack:
Bannana

Lunch:
raw vegetables
peanut butter on ryveeta yucky

Snack: mini candybars

Snack: apple
trailmix

Dinner: two corn cobs and rice and edamame.

Exercise: 1 hour 20 minutes walking/circut trainging/like...3 minutes on the bike.

tranny-ness:

So I've figured out how best to bind my chest so far. I used a bindingshirt first and two waist trimmers. mabye I don't need two.....but I got a big chest.

Monday July 7th

Breakfast:
Shake
Bannana

Lunch:
rice and edamame?

Snack: Ahrg! reeses
trailmix

Dinner: Rice noodles

Exercise: 1 hour 20 mintues of walking/circut traing/bike


Also I was robbed at gun point so that got my heart rate up. lol.

July 6th

Breakfast:
Instant oatmeal
banana

Lunch:
Hummus wrap on whole wheat tortilla
rootbeer
crispy cat bar

Snack:
One of those big vegan cookies
crackers

Dinner:
Spanish rice with edamame

Dessert:
Yet again, a whole pint(or half pint I guess... the small ones.) of soy icecream.

Exercise: None

So yeah, besides the the soy-cream and cookie I did alright. It's like I feel alright hungerwise and then I just HAVE to have something sweet.

Trans-wise. Uhm. nothing ,really. I watched th documenteries Transgressions, Southern Comfort, and Gender Rebels. They were all pretty good and inspired me. During the week I think I'm going to call the doctor that deals with trans patients and see what I need to start Testosterone. I'm not sure when I actually want to start T. Like should I wait until I move to Memphis? Should I wait until I'm out to everyone? Also tommorrow I'm going to buy some more chest binding materials and some more guy's clothes.

Sun July 6th 2008

Breakfast:
1 large bowl Cocoa rice crispies with soymilk
1/2 bowl granola ceral

Lunch:
green beans with red potatoes and ketchup
2 corn on the cobs with salt, margerine, and nutrional yeast
1 slice italian tofu in pita with red lettuce

Dinner:
Ramen (very bad, I'm hungry now)

Snacks....so embarrassing:
Banana
nutty bar
oatmeal pie
zebra cake
small bag cheeto's


oh man I swear. No more non vegan snacks. I really want to eliminate daily sugar. Last week I bought a pint of soydiloushus and I ATE IT ALL IN ONE SITTING. I definately think my even more increased appettite is from exercise. It's like the more I do the more hungry I get and I can't ignore it.Oh right...

Exercise: none really. Just took my dog to the dog park and I ran around a little.